Lie to Me, Convince Me That I've Been Sick Forever

This is why I love Morgue.

2005-10-19T08:10:49Z

Actual sign in Morgue actor's room:

"Transylvania Productions does not descriminate based on gender, race, religion or sexual orientation. However, you must be gay to work here."

Never Gonna Learn

2005-10-18T20:36:37Z

How is it I keep setting myself up for a fall? I keep hoping for IMPOSSIBLE things, hoping they might come through because, hey, this is me, and I've been pretty lucky so far.

Truth of the matter being that I'm the only person I can really count on. But it's always been that way, so I don't know why I'm bitching about it now. Maybe because I hate coming to that realization time and time again, and then convincing myself out of believing it, out of a need to keep those around me around me.

I seriously don't know what I'm going to do...I need to get away. Away from here, away from everyone and everything. It's all about to drive me up a wall.

...hopefully it does, tonight. I hear I might be in Morgue's London streets tonight, and climbing the walls might be a neat trick. Y'think?

Stamps

2005-10-16T18:12:28Z

I decided an easier way to keep track of my stamps would be an entry, rather than to stick them in my user info. Also means we can sit here and chuckle over them. And yes this will be edited with each new stamp I recieve.

Anime Rating Communities

weiss_rating
Alright, so I have to start off with the community I mod for. Had a -few- votes for Yohji, but in the end, ended up getting rated as the Schumeister. My dislike of authority figures probably figured in heavily there, y'think? Or maybe it was my more mischievious side...

ultima_rating

Alright, who honestly didn't see this one coming? Evidently, everyone DID, because in a huge sweep of votes, it was decided that Irvine's soul rests in my body. ^^; So I'm a little playful, a little flirty, and....well, yes, I like the ladies fine and dandy...so maybe I AM Irvine after all, ne?

kaikanrating

Another of the playboy-type stamps, apparently, though a different variety of such. Sakuya's got a much colder and cynical look at the world than Irvine does, and in that, I am probably more like him. Sakuya's determined to have things according to his vision of how they should be, not out of arrogance, but because he knows it'll work out best. And we can't forget those stunning blue eyes...

fuyu_rating

Another of the incurable flirts! Tokaki is definately a lech, but he's also strong and wise, being much older than he appears in the stamping picture, at least! At least it's fitting to my wish...if I could, I'd live a full life, then go back to the beginning with everything I'd learned and play the game again. ^^

tenipuri_rating

I don't know TOO much about Prince of Tennis (yes, STILL, hush Viv), but from what I've seen Fuji is probably the closest to the me that most people experiance. He's got the 'cute' face that I generally display, but when he gets down to play and gets serious, you know it, and EVERYONE takes a step back. He also likes wasabi. ^^ So Fuji rules, really.

smrating

This doesn't surprise me an iota. ^^; I remember my pet name among the Library Group I developed in high school WAS Michiru...for the fact that I COULD play violin well, if I wanted, I was an artist, and I probably had more patience, grace, and charisma than all the rest combined. ^^ I also came off as a bit frosty when I was younger, so Michiru suited me more then than she does now...though she IS quite the little flirt, when you think about it. There's also the mirror...and those of you who know me well know my obsession with mirrors.

sm_villains

Leader of the Animamates? Well, she likes shiney things (as most crows do), possesses a brazen personality, and she has a definate sadistic streak, so why not? ^^;

keybladerating

I'm not sure what garnered me this rating...probably the calculating, schemeing side of me. Ansem is quite charismatic, being able to manipulate so many of the characters in Kingdom Hearts, so it's rather flattering to be compared to him, actually. ^^

wolfs_rating

Alright, now most everyone is aware that Jagara and Hamona are twins. I was originally rated as Jagara for personality, and when I went back for a rating on appearance, they gave me Hamona. I can only take this to mean that appearances decieve, and I -appear- the pure and sweet maiden on the outside, while remaining the opportunistic witch on the inside. ^^ Two halves of a whole. I rather liked the way that turned out, actually. Ironic and suiting in one.

Non-Anime Rating Communities

princesscom

Whoot! I'm a pirate/gypsy/con-dog, apparently. ^^ No complaints here.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Meme just because

2005-10-15T09:44:01Z

Right. So I'm bored.

I'm sitting here, coming up with these things I figure SHOULD be my 'theme songs'. I mean, they describe me and my mentality well enough.

So far, I've got these three as definates.

*Breathe No More - Evanescence
*I Miss You - Blink 182
*Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd

So yeah. Here's the deal.

If I could have a Theme Song, what would it be? Comment with whatever song that comes to your mind that reminds you of me.

To Update...

2005-10-15T09:00:06Z

Here's what you missed, if you weren't around for these events (which I doubt anyone reading this IS, but nevermind that):

*2 hugs within the space of five minutes, and 3 marriage proposals. Yes, this was IN make up, which you shall see later.

*Got my breasts bitten by two women in the parking lot. It was all ambush-nipple biting...and I kinda liked it. O_o

*Worked the churchyard at Morgue. Got to chase a Mexican couple around for 45 minutes. Started my routine by flipping up my hood and doing impressions of the monks from Monty Python.

*Have discovered boobage at the Morgue earns money for arcade games and food. Plan to use this in future.

*Had the Morgue owner wink at me several times in the evening. Methinks he REALLY likes me. O_O Boy would THAT be awkward.

*It's getting around all four houses rather quickly that I'm lesbian. ...I'm lesbian with hetero tendencies (*cough*bibutcan'tsaybianymore*cough*), but alright then.

*Daddy complimented my makeup again tonight. ^___^

*Involved in photo shoot and interview for newspaper on our makeup process and working the houses. Once again pushed into the limelight. Am growing rather disillusioned with all the special treatment.

*Managed to scare four people so badly tonight, they quit and left the house without going the rest of the way. I rule.

*Leaving the party tonight was followed by a call of "Oh GOD, my nuts!" Which prompted me to believe that we left at the appropriate time.

That's pretty much all in my world, puppies and kittens. I leave you now with a few shots of my makeup as of five minutes ago, before I ripped the damn things OFF.

And remember... bow and flourish Charm.

2005-10-10T16:04:43Z

I have an inordinate amount of charm. And it never fails to surprise/amuse me when it gets me attention. ^^

So we're hanging out, Saturday night.

Daddy's hanging around Catacombs, as usual. He IS Daddy, after all. One of the 'gods' of the business. He notes me and Jenny, strides over, and inspects my make up and pronounces it, after a moment, to be "Alright. ....it's definately alright."

Daddy deemed my work acceptable.

I feel like a god just reached down out of the heavens and patted me on the head. *snort*

He also shared his coke/Jager with me. I feel so special.

If that weren't enough, Morgue's owner proclaims that if he had 20 of me to situate through the house, he'd be set for good. Ain't that something?

I took a group through Morgue last night, as well. ^^ "Anything for you," he says. And gives me a Frosty. Hurrah for my being liked by influential people.

And I've gotten to the point where I just sort of ignore Monty's presence, instead of perking up and showing off. It's like "Eh, he knows I'm here, he knows I do a good job, I have nothing to prove to you anymore."

Okay, so this is pointless rambling, but damn it, where else am I supposed to do it?

Anyway, going to Renn Fair today... more when I get back. Later.

tempestreloaded @ 2005-10-08T16:05:00

2005-10-08T21:09:03Z

I'm Princess Leia Organa!

You're the high-profile, universally loved Star Wars heroine Princess Leia Organa! For more information, click here.

What Star Wars heroine would you be?

Speaking of being universally loved...got pics from these two gals who went through Morgue, and then Catacombs the following night. ^^

Bogus!

2005-10-07T19:56:04Z

<td align="center">

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

?

2005-10-07T07:08:16Z

So I had two autograph requests, five people molest me (two were cute customers of the female persuasion), and two roses stuck down between my boobage.

And Morgue is happy to give me shinies for showing of boobage. Which is fine by me, because I have no shame.

Just another day at work, honestly. Brought to you by the Beast, Morgue, Catacombs, mead, and the letter 3.

....never mind that three isn't a number. I blame the mead and goodnight.

And now, A break from your regularly scheduled life for...quizzes!

2005-10-06T19:31:38Z

You are Ayame.

Fruits Basket Anime Quix
brought to you by Quizilla

Crazy? Flirty? Oh no. This can't be me. Whatever shall I do, Rhett?

*snicker*

You possess the supernatural ability to sense when
others are talking about you. They say when
your ears ring, it means someone is talking
about you. When people are talking about you,
you get this feeling as if there is another
presence beside you. When your ears are
ringing it means that people are talking good
about you. When your ears are blocked, it
means that people are talking badly about you.
At the moment when this happens, you don't know
what people are saying. It isn't until the
nighttime, when you are dreaming, that you find
out what people said about you and who it was.

What supernatural ability do you possess?
brought to you by Quizilla

Actually...at times, I kinda do. Huh. How weird is that? Right then. NEXT!

You are a Mermaid. You're a fun, adventorous
creature. You're no social butterfly, but you
enjoy making friends. You're a little sneaky
and very attractive. You're also a good
leader. You're element is water.

What mystical creature are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

A little sneaky, eh? From my adventures at the Morgue, I'd say ALOT sneaky, but that's me. ^^ Mwahahaha...

Dodging a MAJOR bullet...

2005-10-05T07:41:30Z

Gods.

Gods oh gods oh GODS do I lead a weirdly charmed life.

So I get this call at three o'clock this afternoon, from the Morgue. It's Norton. You all know I have a soft spot for Norton, shaved head or no. Anyhow, he's been DETERMINED that I should work Morgue at least one night. He insists I come down tonight, because they're short on actors.

Me: Uh...Norton, hun, I WOULD, but Monty has already said if he hears of anyone under him working at another Haunted House, they're fired on the SPOT.
Norton: Who's gonna tell him?
Me: ...I'll think about it.

So I call Todd up.

Me: Norton wants us to work Morgue tonight.
Todd: ...are you SURE? You're rolling some pretty big dice here. If Monty...
Me: Yeah, I know, but who's gonna tell him?
Todd: ...could always say you were just walking through and decided to play around some.
Me: Bingo.
Todd: Let me find a ride.

So that's settled. I'm working Morgue for the evening. I neglect to fill out any paperwork, because concrete evidence is a no-no, and I'm not exactly sure they'd approve if they knew I was from Beast, seeings as they HATE Monty. And I'm his current posterchild.

I agree to play around for the evening, and they stick me in Translyvania to start. I get a Romanian accent going, and play with the knifes I have stuck in my coat, and glide about the room in that manner.

On that note, the rooms are HUGE. Get enough furnishings in there, and that place just...wow. It blows away anything I've seen before. They have REAL mazes, ones where you have to THINK to find your way out. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

So I get the first group pretty good. Todd's working the Laboratory three rooms ahead. As we're readying for the second group, Todd comes rushing in. I can tell from the look on his face it's not good.

Me: ...what? What is it...?
Todd: Monty is coming through now. HIDE!

Of all the luck, right? Hasn't visited Morgue in eleven years, and he picks TONIGHT.

I ran into Translyvania, found a closet, and hid. I can hear them come in, and it's not just Monty. It's the entire fucking management staff. Sherry, Brandon, all of them. I can hear them complimenting the place as I'm sitting there cowering, going "ohshitohshitohshit".

They pass on into the next area. Todd comes to get me. I step out, blink, glance around and go "...did I just get away with that?"

Seriously. He comes through -that- night, and had he seen me, BOY would there be Hell! I guess I'm just not happy unless I'm pushing the limits. Work best under pressure, and all that. But GODS, if ever there was a close one...

After a while, some people went home, and I got moved to the Doctor Deadly room. I got to act completely psycho-nuts in the strobe light and bang off walls and crap. It was awesome.

When we finally closed (We were DAMN busy for a Tuesday!), the owner HIMSELF escorted me through the rest of the house, letting me find my way through the various mazes in the house. Oh gods was it the most awesome thing ever. I spent a good half hour trying to find the way out of the graveyard. He ended up giving me a riddle "We are born of the earth...you must pray to God and climb the way to Heaven." Over by the stained glass windows of the church, there's some vines growing up. Push on the vines, and a door opens. I was so PLEASED with myself for figuring it out.

By the way, he's thinking about setting me in the church, as a rabid Nun. Sweetness.

And their London is HUGE. Not only do they have a Pub (And decently stocked too! I saw a Captain Morgan bottle there) they have the backstreets, front streets, a livery, hotel, and all sorts of places to explore. The way out is ALSO a riddle...concerning the pictures in the hotel lobby. Pushing on one leads out. It's almost like a puzzle game! So amazing...I told the owner it was the best house I'd ever seen, and he was just so FLATTERED that "One of the Beast's best" would say something like that. Coming from me, he said, it really meant something.

And oh did they love having me there. He had no idea I worked for Monty, but the fact that I did didn't turn him against me, like I thought. He was THRILLED to have such an actress on his hands, and introduced me to the cast as their 'guest actor' of the night. He definately wants me back...and who knows? Maybe I will.

After all...why settle for dull and predictable and safe? Just wouldn't be a proper Haunted House season without nights like these.

Oh yes. And the Morgue's dog, Black Magic, is the most adorable thing on four legs, EVAR.

The End.

PS - My hair glows in blacklight. Fucking A.

PPS - I blame this rash decision on my part COMPLETELY on the Schuldig in me. ^^

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Momma always told me not to look into the eyes of the sun,
But Momma, that's where the fun is...

~Blinded By the Light - Blue Oyster Cult
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tempestreloaded @ 2005-10-03T13:20:00

2005-10-03T18:26:03Z

So I ran about the Beast last night as Farfarello, for all intents and purposes.

Tucking two bloody knives into the sides of my coat, I did a general pale-out, with the tri-secting scars on the side of his face, the cat eyes, and even did little latex scars under my chin, where Ken's bugnuks went. ^^

Baby-powdered the floor up, to make it slick, and wheeee! Sliding across the floor I went. Just sort of burst out of the fog at people.

All except this one little girl, who couldn't have been more than five. She said the magic word, Boo, and I stopped and kneeled beside her. She STARED at me for the longest then, after making sure I wasn't going to come after her, she patted me on the head and proclaimed me a GOOD monster.

I think something internal melted.

Also, some rag newspaper had two girls go through the Beast and Edge and write reviews. Both came to more or less the same conclusion about us...that we were -bland-, and consisted more of getting lost in black mazes than anything of substance.

....yeah. You just skipped over London Town, and a good part of the Castle, didn't you?

My theory is that they were running so fast, they couldn't remember anything but the black mazes. *ahem* But that's me.

Needless to say, we were PISSED OFF. We're working our asses off in there, and these two stupid fucking broads...grrr.

When the managers wrapped up the meeting, I pointed at the paper, which was in Brandon's hand, and demanded a ritual burning. After a few more times repeating myself, louder and louder each time and with growing agreement from the other spooks, we took the paper out into the street and burned it, chanting and howling all the while.

....me + fire = happy.

....I still can't believe they're LISTENING to me down there. Hell, next thing you know, they'll want to make me a manager. *snort*

The night proceeded otherwise without too much incident....other than the fact that two women in the parking lot were getting ready to FIGHT. Over me! This is slowly becoming more and more insane by the minute....I like the attention, but I don't like the trouble it brings. Mrrrr.

And Norton shaved his head. >_< I could murder the boy.

Oh yes. And he wants me over at Morgue, BAD. I can't just drop the Beast after all that's happened, but..he DOES make working there sound appealing.

...I think I'll walk through, before I make my decision.

Story of my life...

2005-10-01T18:04:08Z

Tempestreloaded in Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bard

Undeniably fantastic, this movie focuses on only three characters: the amazingly attractive tempestreloaded (Eliza Dushku), the youthful mojotmonkey (Ashley Judd), and a linguistics professor—malfoymation (Salma Hayek). In a way that has rated highly with audiences and motion picture rating administrations, Cupid is in an arrowing mood. Fate, of course, messes everything up.

Produced by ianiceboy

Trick or Treat!

2005-09-28T00:08:02Z

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
tempestreloaded goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas.
andromedashun gives you 13 brown grape-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
beautifuldorian tricks you! You get a wet rag.
elf_child gives you 15 red-orange spearmint-flavoured pieces of taffy.
liztermint gives you 14 yellow blueberry-flavoured nuggets.
malfoymation gives you 4 red-orange coconut-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
midnightsfall gives you 6 light yellow cinnamon-flavoured jawbreakers.
mojotmonkey gives you 18 mottled green lemon-flavoured gummy worms.
savage_sanity gives you 9 red cherry-flavoured wafers.
spoolingemotion tricks you! You get a dead frog.
twinsais gives you 14 mottled green apple-flavoured gummy worms.
tempestreloaded ends up with 93 pieces of candy, a wet rag, and a dead frog.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

Yay! I always wanted a dead frog! I already have the dead rat....

*ahem*

Motorcycle rides, wheeeeeeeeee!

2005-09-27T23:44:11Z

Your inner element is air or wind. You are free
spirted and go with the wind. You would rather
be dancing around with your friends in the wind
than sitting and watching tv. (cos you cant
stand still for 5 min.) ^_^. To release and use
your element you must meditate outside while
the wind is blowing and focus on it, watch it,
follow it. (but dont actually run with it) Get
in touch with the wind.

What's your inner soul's element and how can you release it? (anime pix! enjoy ^_^)updated!
brought to you by Quizilla

So today, I went on another motorcycle ride with my uncle. And got plastered, though I did a pretty decent job of convincing him I wasn't. We went and got pizza and everything.

I just wanna say how much I LOVE my uncle. He seems to be the only relative I have with ANY amount of intelligence about him, and he's just as cynical and smart-assed as I am. I really do adore him. And our bike rides together. I don't think I could have more fun if I was cruising along the lake in a Super Seven, honestly.

It's just...so refreshing to have someone nearby that UNDERSTANDS.

It's Official Grab Bindiya's Butt Day!

2005-09-26T04:39:53Z

Sleep! You cannot imagine what a glorious thing it is til you go two days with 45 mins total of it.

Right, so. My genius self goes over to Catacombs after a GRUELING night at the Beast. The people just wouldn't quit walking through the door! Bastards.

I note that the Pub has a new decoration...while at Ren Faire the previous week, Lauren, our Jack the Ripper, has bought a silk rose and placed it in my tankard on the table. He is somewhat annoyed I don't take it home and treat it as a personal gift, which troubles me some, but he KNOWS I'm taken, so never mind it much. It's pretty. I like it in the Pub. So in the Pub it shall remain.

*pause*

Along with HypnoToad. Cause HypnoToad rules.

Anywho, went over and partied with Catacombs. One of the guys had a BEAUTIFUL hypo-albino burmese python that I was allowed to cart around. At least until sweet little Nemesis decided to give me a -hug-. That not good. Snakey go BACK now, thanks.

So, tried to sleep, couldn't, and ended up back at the Beast at SEVEN IN THE FUCKING MORNING. Everyone is dragging their asses, but I think I'm the only one that, upon getting airbrushed, curled up by the manager's desk in the break room and went to sleep. Or doze, as I was constantly being awakened by various goings on.

Needless to say, my ass is RIDING the float. I am not walking, thank you so very much. I'll just smile and wave my knife at the little kiddies and get hay on my butt, thanks.

So, as is custom, Monty buys us all 'breakfast' *cough*latelunch*cough* at this Mexican place. And suddenly here I am, wronged as I was by management at the beginning of the year, now SURROUNDED by them and talking about the wife and kids and how things are at home and so on and so forth. Just generally smoozing around with management as if I'm one of them! As if nothing happened!

I've decided that makes me the unofficial 'Manager's Pet'. I bark at every stranger that passes, and they pat me on the head, and whenever I come up with a new trick, they coo over how adorable it is and give me a treat.

...have I mentioned how much I DESPISE authority figures? Cause I do. I really really do. It pisses me off how I'm being treated like a pony on parade, and my only consolation is that, oh yes, they WILL get theirs before this is over with.

So, getting home at four in the afternoon, I have about an hour to nap before going BACK to work, til about two in the morning. Ain't that grand? They're going to stay open that long when their best people are EXHAUSTED from the parade! If that weren't enough...

Now, I LIKE getting hit by customers. Means that they're really THAT scared of me and consider me a threat. That's a good thing.

But this bastard nailed me in the throat. Straight judo chop to my voice box, and suddenly, my voice I am without. Not good, as most of my act revolves around TALKING.

So, we cranked up the fog in London Town, and I spent the rest of the night scaring people [i]without making a single solitary sound[/i]. Just appearing out of the fog to beckon them on, dissapearing, reappearing again at their side to continue beckoning...so on til they get to the Forest. And they're freaking out because they can't tell where I've gone and when I'm going to pop up next. It's not scary as much as unnerving...which is good, because it sets them up for those around me.

Tonight, my voice wasn't COMPLETELY back, but at least I'd had a decent night's sleep! So my brilliant self developed an idea to work my silence into my act.

This picture taken about 15 minutes ago. And if I look like a deranged crackwhore, it's because I AM tired. But I love you enough to show you this pic, ne?

Here was me the other night, in my Goth!Schu jacket. Spiffy, ne?

And by the by, today is official Grab Bindiya's Butt Day, in case you didn't know. Why?

Because EVERY MOTHERFUCKER IN THE HOUSE DECIDED TO GRAB MY ASS. Chris and Nancy thought it was a brilliant plan to wake me up where I'd fallen asleep in front of the manager's desk. Yes. Again. That's my spot now. I demand a doggy bed, if I'm going to be the fucking pet. And it better be silk lined.

Fuckers.

So yes. Leave a comment and grab my ass too, if you like. Hell if I give a fuck anymore. And that's all in my world tonight. Later, puppies and kittens.

So...effing...tired...

2005-09-24T21:02:59Z

Alright, so MY brilliant arse decided, hey, I'll just stay up and party til it's time for the parade.

...I managed to stay awake through my immense hangover, and now have work in two hours. And I'm fucking exhausted. x_x

So yes. More of an update later. When I've come back, gone to bed, and had a decent nap at LEAST.

Quizzes and mini-update

2005-09-23T18:52:13Z

You're first kiss will be a little rushed into.
Maybe you're ready for that, maybe you're not.
You're very seductive so a lot of people fall
for your charm. Just make sure you're happy. Be
careful not to lead anyone on that you don't
mean to.

What will your first kiss look like? (beautiful pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Actually, that WAS how my first kiss was. Huh. Imagine that.

You're the different school girl. You're weird to
some people. But to most, you're just creative.
Your very smart and do well in school. Well,
when you feel like it at least. Sometimes you
feel like an outsider to the rest of the
school, but people are just intimidated by you.
You like to be alone but don't mind a few
friends as long as they're willing to accept
you and not try to change you.

What kind of school girl are you? (cute pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

I remember when I started turning that to my advantage and scaring the Hell out of them... ^^

Anyway, speaking of which, guess who made it into the Amercian Royal Parade again? S'right. Yours truly. So I probably won't come home tonight at all, just go and hang out til it's time to get back into makeup, then head home after 'breakfast' about noon. Those of you in the Kansas City area, WATCH THE GODDAMN PARADE.

Ahem.

I'll do something nice for ya if you do. That is all.

Storytime, boys and girls.

2005-09-19T23:07:00Z

Author: Tempest
Title: Regret
Pairing: Crawford/Schuldig.
Category(s): Angst
Rating: R (some references to the smut in the last chapter)
Disclaimer: Theirs. Not Mine. Don't Sue, etc.
Summary: Schuldig finally got what he wanted more than anything else. So why isn't he happy about it?
A/N: Continuing story between malfoymation and myself, as she misses playing Brad very very much, and I want to make it up to her, poor duckling.
Previous installments can be found here:

Instalment One: "A Bundle of Ifs and Twigs" by malfoymation
Instalment Two: "Untitled" by tempestreloaded
Instalment Three: "Choices" by malfoymation
Instalment Four: "Untitled" by tempestreloaded
Instalment Five: "Jigsaw" by malfoymation
Instalment Six: "To Possess" by malfoymation

--------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------

Experiments that failed too many times
Transformations that were too hard to find
Poison's in my bloodstream, poison's in my pride
I'm after rebellion, I'll settle for lies.
~Flaming Telepaths - Blue Oyster Cult

--------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------

It seems like hours before Crawford finally falls asleep, apparently assured that Schuldig isn't getting up afterwards and running away. His pride probably couldn't stand the blow that would inflict, and his jealousy would whisper in his ear that Fujimiya or the girl is to blame, and all sorts of Hell would be unleashed, wouldn't it?

Brad has never ceased to be a dangerous presence. And Schuldig nearly fears him now. He has reason to. After all, he is not entirely sure he has won the forgiveness of this vengeful spirit made flesh. He can no longer read him, not even as he watches the other's face relax and those tense muscles loosen as he drifts off against the sheets and the warmth of the redhead's arms. Schuldig tries to read this face, but it is, after all, a stranger's face, fastened there by the cruel mechanics that drive Rosenkreuz and their blasted experiments.

Once upon a time, he wanted this.

Now he feels nothing but cold, a bitterness in the back of his throat.

It was good, no question about that. For all the frigid airs Crawford had put on before the 'accident', he knew where to touch, what to say, how to coax that screaming white bliss that coiled in his stomach and flared up with enough intensity that, for a few moments of bliss, he was alone inside of his own head. No need to think or focus on anything but the slickness of skin against skin and the delicious ache between his thighs. It was one of the reasons the German loved sex as much as he did.

And he'd said what he'd meant to, that night. Before Fujimiya's blade had put an end to what might have been a turning point in their unhappy existances. Those uncomfortable squirmings, the resounding emptiness that had been left when they'd told him Brad was dead, that Eszet was taking the body, that they were sending a replacement, that life was moving on without even pausing. The regret.

I love you.

He'd said it once...twice. Three times, to reassure himself, to reassure Brad, but then the shields had come back up. The awkwardness of those words, even on his own tongue, and it wasn't that he didn't believe it. Love wasn't just about fuzzy bunnies and boxes of chocolate and fat naked babies sticking people in the arse with arrows. It was a painful, suffocating feeling that Schuldig HATED...that he made fun of in others, additional strings to dance his favorite puppets along on.

He never wanted to love Crawford. And now it was obvious just how much. The words echoed the emptiness of Brad's sudden absence from his life, and seeped through the cracks in the puzzle that, despite being put back together as best as they could, just didn't fit quite the same anymore. Almost a mocking mirror image of the way they'd pieced Crawford together now, this sharp-featured blond, and how he would have loved to see past that molding to what had once been.

But past was past. Lingering did no good at all, and it had never been his style to.

So he watches Brad sleeping there, propping himself up on an elbow, shaggy red hair pushed back and sticking slightly to the sweat of his skin. It's warm enough in the room, but inside is nothing but cold. I betrayed him, he thinks. I betray anyone who is fool enough to get close to me. I don't deserve this.

He never felt regret for fooling around with Fujimiya, who moved on as soon as he was able to recognize those feelings he'd been harboring for Kudoh, and while he was fun to play with now and again, really felt as detatched from the situation as Schuldig did. No threat of love there.

And the girl, who probably makes Brad feel the most threatened, because she has no alterior motive other than truly -loving- Schuldig, despite his inability to return the feelings...well, she's a comfort, true enough. She cleans the blood from his wounds and mothers him about, sometimes giving him a swift kick in the shins if he needs it to shape up, laughs with him and tries so very very hard to understand him. He doesn't have the heart to tell her that she can't, she hasn't seen what he has seen. He is...grateful for her. And damn if he's going to let Brad hurt her in his jealousy.

My toys. Let me play with them a while longer. They break soon enough. You know you're the only one I...

But of course they don't mean to him what Crawford means. Crawford has been there as long as he can remember, keeping him in check, from really doing something spectacularly foolish and getting burned for it. There's never been a doubt in his mind that Crawford loves him too. He wouldn't have bothered putting up with half of Schuldig's stunts and tantrums if he didn't. There is no comparison for what they've been through as students under Rosenkreuz, as agents of Eszet, as two people dreaming of their own ideals and a chance to make them a reality, to escape into the world and make their own destinies.

He wants to get up. Go and have a cigarette or maybe something stronger. He would if he didn't think it'd piss him right off again and, as much as he loved pissed Brad off, now just doesn't seem like the time to start up again. Things are still far too unsteady, a house of cards if ever there was one.

So instead he sighs, settles back against the pillow again, eyes cast towards the ceiling, the blue irises that Brad searched for tinged green around the edges, thanks to the extended use of Wraith's miracle drug, Chimera. Did you know that Brad? he wonders silently. Did they tell you I sank into yet another of my vices? All just to see your face again.

Brad sleeps on, oblivious in slumber, and the redhead sighs again.

To an extent, Schuldig understands his anger, his wish to destroy everything that locks Schuldig into the path he's taken thus far, and draw him back to that point all over again, that moment just before the illusion of the dream faded into the smoke and dissolved in the rain and ran trickling into the sewers with the blood and the gasoline. After all, how many people are given this chance? To reunite with a loved one, to start anew, to be given a chance to take that path and see where it might take them.

Brad Crawford is giving him that chance. That choice.

And whether he sees this as reward or punishment, it is no longer clear.

Meme Time

2005-09-19T18:58:49Z

Write 20 Random facts about yourself timing your responses. Tag the amount of people that your time is.

1. I still don't know how to ride a bike.

2. I can fall in love with things in a heartbeat for their aesthetic value. I can convince myself, given enough time, that I don't need them, and I am determined that this fact means I'm not entirely shallow. I call it my "oooh, shiny" complex, and a few of my characters have it.

3. I forget things. Alot. It pisses me off, sometimes, that there are people, faces, names, things that happened, parts of MY life that I'm unaware of. Oh yes. And I was like this BEFORE the drugs, I might add.

4. I hate having boyfriends. I love having boy friends, but I HATE having boyfriends.

5. I've affected how much it was raining, on several occassions. Got out of a parent-teacher conference that way, once. I never try to push it, though...maybe I'm half afraid those half-dozen times it worked were just coincidence, and I really can't do anything about it at all.

6. Most of my skills lie in mimicing people. Whether in acting, art, writing, etc...there's always someone I'm aspiring to be just a little bit like.

7. I love caviar, eel, octopus, squid, sea urchin, and any number of foods that the mere mention might turn another person's stomach. I think that's part of the reason I like them so much.

8. Forget diamonds. Buckles, zippers, and chains are a girl's best friend.

9. I have never once really questioned my sexuality. I always knew, and never saw anything wrong with it. Admitting it to my friends and worrying what they would think was probably the only obstacle I ever had with it.

10. I attract men like flies. And wish I didn't. Too often, it means trouble.

11. I'm entirely reliant on people around me. My moods, my energy, everything. If I'm left to my own devices for too long...I do stupid things. So moving on.

12. I can convince myself out of just about anything, so the best time for me to do something is on a split-second urge, or under pressure of a deadline.

13. My favorite makeup technique of all time is the khol cat-eyes. Love it love it love it.

14. I'm still not exactly sure how my voice sounds...I've never really listened to myself talk.

15. I love scaring the living Hell out of people. Even when I'm not working at the Haunted House. Give me a way to and I will.

16. My most notable scar, other than the ones on my wrist (from the cat, silly!), is a thick one right by the corner of my lip, where I fell when I was two and busted my lip on the asphalt. My mother wasn't watching me at the time. Big surprise.

17. I actually...don't hate my mother as much as I thought. I just really don't even care anymore. Sometimes I wonder what she's up to but, for the most part, she's a stranger to me, some distant curiosity that I have no intention of ever dealing with ever again.

18. I love hanging out at the local bars, getting drunk, and playing shuffleboard. Especially since I shouldn't be in the bar to start with.

19. My favorite colors have always been those that go well with silver.

20. I whine daily to those around me how much I miss my girlfriend. I'm quite relieved that they're the sort that, instead of telling me to shut up, direct me instead to a local adult store with a grocery list of toys for the next time I see her. ^^;

Whoever wants to do this list, have at it. I've got stamps to finish up for weiss_rating. Laters.

Concerning the Unconstitutionalism of the words "Under God"

2005-09-15T00:57:13Z

My parents are all sniffing and huffing about this issue. I find it amusing, but know the Supreme Court will set things back on track again, so never mind it all. My stepmother, however, had some rather choice words. Namely?

"Listen to these people complain about every little thing. *waves hand* Things are better in my country. If you complain about the way the government does things, you go to jail."

...yes, mother. That's MUCH better.

Anyone still in doubt over the fact that my parents are NUTS?

Course, last week, she was lifting her nose at my airbrush cross and wings that I got on my lower back (AIRBRUSH, mind you), and complaining about how low I've sunk, and how she raised me to be better than this.

...woman, you didn't raise me. You and the old man ignored me for a good portion of my life, and don't think I've forgotten that.

Gods, I love my family. -__-;

Hee.

2005-09-11T07:25:30Z

I am worth $2,068,082 on HumanForSale.com

Destined for Heartache...

2005-09-11T07:03:51Z

No, not ME, sillies. But my dear, dear coworkers.

I am once again center of attention. Don't ask me how. But all I hear is how good my acting is, and how wonderfully refreshing and unique my personalities is, how pretty I am, and how much the guys adore me. And of course, I deal with it by shrugging, smiling, and bouncing over to the nearest person that ISN'T complimenting me, and going "Tonberry goes DOINK!" before bopping them one over the head.

I'm serious. I don't try for compliments. I don't fish for them, and I don't go "Oh, woe is me, I'm not enough" so people will tell me I am. And when they DO, I'm all "*shrug* Yeah, I know. So, how about that last grou that came through, you got them, didn't you?"

If anything, I try my darndest to scare people off. I switch from sweet, coy, and precocious to 'bend over and let me get my flogger' in 2.5 seconds, and the most random things to happen in the house are either a result of the brilliance/madness in the castle, or me. Tonight's a good example.

I kept things as random as I could, and when "Tonberry goes DOINK!" got old, we turned to "May the DOINK! be with you", "Return of the DOINK!", "R2-DOINK!2", and any other concievable media phrase that could be made funny by adding "DOINK!" in the middle of it. I then proceeded to take off my spiffy brand new boots and run around barefoot, scaring people (and one of my managers, who just doesn't know what to DO with me, sometimes ^^) with whispers and just sort of gliding around in the mists. Which was great. Not very taxing, and effective.

So when we get out, I've got this brilliant jacket I acquired at Hot Topic, which I got because looking at it, it reminded me of Schuldig's jacket. That is, if Schu's jacket was black, had loads of zippers and buckles, and looked like a Goth's dream come true. But it DID remind me of him, so I got it.

Boys noticed. ^^ Shawn Donnogan kept zipping and unzipping the main zipper, and since I only had a bra on underneath, that was pretty risquè. And pretty much every other guy had a comment.

Misty (Jason Martin's sister): Wowwww....
Bobby: ... *hopeful stare*
Misty: When'd you get that? That looks so awesome...
Me: *shrug* Didn't you know? I'm a major bondage freak.
Bobby: *_*
Jenny/Misty: *giggle*
Me: Wha? I'm not joking. I AM in a fetish troupe, y'know.
Misty: ...Bindiya, you are just AWESOME.
Me: *busy ripping latex off* Thanks, sweets. Now who has the beer?

Bobby, by the way, is lovestruck. He's trying to get me to go to Renn Faire with him, and the FIRST thing Misty does when I get out of the house is bound up to me in the makeup room and announce that he really, really, REALLY likes me.

...and he continued to persue me after I called to him across the parking lot that he had no balls and no chance.

I'm a shameless flirt with every guy and girl down there, and I know it. I'm an attention whore, and all that. But I AM taken, people. So I try to deter the attention by being as loud and obnoxious as I can be right after flirting. Y'know, sort of to temper the effect.

Nothing happened. They're all still entranced. Boys. Honestly. They remind me of the Draco fangirls. No matter how mean I was to them, they kept coming back and leaping for joy whenever I threw them a bone.

...is it me? Is it REALLY me? Is the fact that I'm decent looking? I have no clue what I'm doing that is so damn popular...

Victory! And pictures.

2005-09-09T20:46:48Z

I think I've finally figured my dad out. Or at least, how to work around his insanity. We actually had a pretty decent day today.

So we end up going to the grocery store today. We WERE going to take an old-lady friend of his, but she...erm...had an accident? And guess who got to clean up, as per usual? -_-

On the upside, I now have plenty of working experiance if I ever want to work at a rest home. The problem being now that I DETEST old people, and am considering shooting myself when I turn fourty, just to be sure I don't have to deal with myself as an old person. It's getting that frustrating.

So anyway,dad and I had another row this morning, before we left...something stupid, as usual. Not as stupid as the lettuce, mind, but still pretty stupid. He seemed sorry for it a bit after, though, rightly so, and...I think we actually talked more today than we've ever talked before. And I mean TALK. Not me listen to him go on about those third world sluts or me talking to myself while he drives. It was...strange.

In the grocery store, we DID get around to talking about women troubles...my stepmother, naturally.

Dad: She's nothing but a waste of money.
Me: Well...what are men for, if not to waste their money on women?
Dad: *nod* That's the name of that tune.

Mwaha. Score one point for me, using my dad's warped logic against him. So here comes my next blow...

Me: By the way....I need a new pair of boots. For the incident this morning, think I could con them out of you?
Dad: ....sure.

Point two! I'm making progress. And as if that weren't enough, I sneak in a good telling off while we're waiting for the deli meat, because he is once again being an asshole to the people who can't understand his slurred speech when he asks for something.

Me: Y'know...it's a good thing that you're my dad...and that you do so much for me...
Dad: *eyes* I already said I'd get you the boots.
Me: Wait for it, it's coming.
Dad: *waits*
Me: Like I said...it's a good thing I love you so much....because if I didn't, I don't think I'd be able to stand you.
Dad: *laughs* Be nice!
Me: I was! I cushioned the blow, didn't I?

Things went pretty well...I'm getting a nice pair of boots from Hot Topic tomorrow...and my dad and I are actually on level ground. For now. Til he reverts, but oh well. Take advantage while you can, and give nothing back, right?

Oh. That reminds me. Out of NOWHERE....my dad says he heard from someone that I was bi. Was this true?

Me: *snort* Who told you that?
Dad: Doesn't matter, does it? Is it true?
Me: ....of course not.

Subject dropped. And before you all jump me, I didn't lie! I'm NOT bi...

....I'm lesbian with strong select hetero tendencies. ^^; Booya.

...don't think he really believed me, but he wants to so badly. He's not for this world much longer, so let him think what he likes, ne? Least I could do. Pretend to be the good, patient, near-to-perfect daughter, since I'm really all he has.

And now....for the pictures. MAJOR graphics ahoy, so it's all behind this nice long lj cut.

Our merry little group. From left to right, "Jenny's friend", "Jenny-enny-enny", Kristin, "Alvin", Yours Truly, and Todd. In front of the Spinning Dragons ride.

Alvin y moi.

Remember my 'stoned' comment? Yeah.

Getting suited up for the Ripcord. Which, by the way, was MADNESS.

Before the first hill of the Mamba. ^___^ In the first car, no less.

The three of us each won a dragon...and would not part with them for anything. Not even crack money.

Me posing with mah Draco. *snuggles it*

Us attacking Alvin with our dragons. FEAR THE PLUSHIE!

Threatening Alvin with another attack by our beloved pets...gods, I love this man and his expressions.

Riding the Fury of the Nile...

Channeling Irvine... ^^

BULLSEYE! I rock with long range weapons, y'know.

Be glad we didn't do to those skeletons what we WANTED to do...so tempting....SO very tempting...

Worlds of Fun/Dave Matthews Band/What Gemini Means to Me...

2005-09-08T06:52:14Z

This is the short version, because I'm high as Hell and tired. And likely tipsy too. Damn you, Grey Goose.

Ahem.

Went to World's of Fun with Todd, Jenny, 'Alvin', and a few others. Rode the ripcord, which is essentially a 175ft high swing, where they pull you up to one side, then let you go, sending you swinging to the other. There IS a moment when you're just falling straight down, and let me tell you....that felt like a DROP. I swear I had two good seconds of divine revelation, plummeting towards the Earth, before my harness caught.

Was very fun. Will do again.

Spent rest of day taking pictures like mad, running the Mamba repeatedly and making goofy poses for our pictures...oh! And I won a green stuffed dragon, which, of course, I promptly named Draco, and had him attacking Alvin most of the day.

Alvin, meanwhile, went into Haunted House mode and started scaring people. A 6ft, well built black man WILL scare you by barking at you. If I did it, they'd think it was cute or just plain nutty. But, of course, with Alvin in full swing, me and Todd followed, and soon the Worlds of Fun staff would have had a problem. Fortunately, we were on our way out, by this point. Gods, you just can't take us anywhere.

Did the Dave Matthews Band concert. Think the music is cool, but the fans are a pack of idiots. -_- Urge to kill...rising.

Also got recognized from the canoe trip by a couple of guys. Yes, I'm the girl with the nice tits and the Rogue hair. How ASTUTE of you to note that. -_-;

And now, becauses it amuses me to do so, I'm leaving here the first page description from my Sextrology Book on Gemini females. ie- me.

Gemini woman rides a fine line between innate vulnerability and an aggressive need to assert her own personal agenda, both professionally and in her personal life. She is acutely aware of her feminine wiles, using them to her best advantage, often playing coy and precocious in order to disarm people and gain necessary ground. Indeed, no other female creatures more of a stir; whether in expressing her signature outsized spirit in awesome displays of talent, or upsetting the proverbial apple cart in the trademark coups she's wont to launch, or both. Gemini is not a casual or even overly considerate character, easily claiming the title of the nerviest creature in the zodiac--she's capable of achieving the greatest triumphs as well as causing the gravest trouble. She puts everything, and then some, into scoring any goal, embodying a take-no-prisoners attitude in each endeavor. Gemini is iconic, if not cyclonic: She leaves every circumstance, and indeed each individual, she encounters irrevocably altered in the wake of her presence.

When it comes to relationships, she throws herself into situations out of an alternating need to indulge desire and impose dominance, letting herself be swept away by curiosity. At times, she will full-tilt flirt with disaster. Eventually, Gemini touches down and settles into an understanding bond in which she may safely swing between her two distinct personalities--helpless baby doll and ruthless boss. With other women, she is all the more imperious, drawn to doting lovers who will unquestioningly do her bidding, in public as well as private.

Principle: The Principle of Awareness. Gemini is acutely cognizant of mental mechanics. Her motto is "I think", and she is a master at mind games, for the sake of her own amusement as well as putting the wheels of her success in motion. she conciously alternates between the two previous forces of (Arien)agression and (Taurean)passivity, avenger and victim, to outwit others.

...and because this amuses me...

Bible + Literature: The Geminian archetype in literature draws upon the sign's association with the biblical Fall and the proffering of forbidden fruit. Gemini woman is a master manipulator, as provocative as Eve holding out that apple. Shakespeare's Juliet personifies love at the Geminian crossroads. Nobokov's Lolita is the tempting apple of her lecherous stepfather's eye; she sends mixed messages to Humbert Humbert, his name signaling the same duality that Gemini incites in men--paternal love and unadulterated lust. Peter Pan's Tinker Bell is the two-faced sprite who is loving toward him and vengeful toward everyone else, particularly the Wendys of the world.